He Would Never TB Season 7---Episode 1
by Carroll E. Stewart
Summary: In my world, this is the ending for TB's S7: "Jesus Gonna Be Here". Eric is healed, La La makes a fortune, and Miss Sookie finally gets her head on straight.
1. Chapter 1

The characters of True Blood belong to Mr. Allan Ball. Charlene Harris owns the SVM characters. No infringement on my part is intended.

True Blood: Season Seven. _Jesus Gonna Be Here_. Aired: June 22, 2014

This story will have multiple endings to_ Jesus Gonna Be Here_.

**Ending One. **_He Would Never..._

Pam was still staring at the map. "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!" It was time for a new plan. Not that she had an old one. Eric was in the Rhone Valley. That could only mean one thing. He was at the Chateau Chave! Vlad Drac's summer place! "Oh fuck," she said as she stood up straighter and squaring her shoulders, she went out of the building prepared to do battle.

"Oh fuck Eric," she silently sobbed as she made her way back to her lodging. "Just what the fuck?" she choked back the horror.

That fucking Sookie and her suck-ass way of doing things in regards to her maker! "I need time to be me," she simpered, her voice that of stupidest twat on the planet. "I need to know who I am. And yes, thank you for restoring my house and then moving you fucking ass out of it so that fucking, stupid, Were could move in. Maybe we can make baby Weres and I will be fulfilled and known as the stupidest twat on the planet. Because, Eric, I really am just as fucked up as your child thinks I am."

"Oh Eric, oh Eric," she sighed. "Removing yourself from that stupid shit of a breather was an excellent idea. But my maker, I would have loved to have known where you were." She was more than pissed because she had not heard from Eric since he had left. When the vamp/Fae died, chances were good that he had been caught out in the sun. Since she had not heard from him, phone or maker-bond wise, she thought this to be true. He was hurt and Vlad had him or other wise, he would not be in the Rhone Valley.

Of all the unholy places he could have wound up, Vlad's was a nightmare! The worse fucking scenario imaginable! They were sworn enemies! Godric had killed Vlad's Roman maker and Eric had come close to ending Vlad in Paris one night brawling over a breather. Yes, with her maker it always came down to a fucking breather!

Vlad and he laughed about an uneasy truce when they had to be present for some vamp bullshit something or another here in the Old World.

"Pull yourself together," she said wiping at her eyes. "Get your head on straight. If nothing else, I will get in and end whatever is left of him. It will be a mercy."

There was a howl in the distance. "Full moon," she seethed. "Just fucking come on," she said out into the night. "If you think I won't slit your throat with a silver knife, you are a very stupid Were and deserving death."

The Grim Reaper lurked about her features. Apparently her contact had gotten a little greedy. When she was done here, she was stopping by and paying him a little visit. She would not drain his daughter, but she could watch while she helped herself to her old man.

There was another howl and the smile played about her lips. "Oh help," she said. "Please help...I am just a poor defenseless vampire being tracked by stupid-ass Weres. Won't someone please help me? I am Eric Northman's child, only the very best at killing Weres and I am so afraid.

Wait for it," she grinned, remembering the lesson Eric had taught her and she had practiced more than once. "Crunch, crunch, crunch goes their big assed clumsy feet then up I go and down I come and land on their back and break it and then...oh-h-h, with a twist of their head and a thrust of my knife well would you look at that. I have gutted myself a Were.

That makes me fell a little better," she sighed as she wiped her knife on the corpse. Her phone buzzing brought her back to reality as she continued to walk on.

"I got your call," she heard her child say. "I was in the middle of a really good fight with some wired up trashed out zombie riddled vamp. Lord he had the uglies. Staked his ass and got someplace so I could phone. Where are you?"

"Right now Marrakesh, headed for France. Vlad Drac has Eric. I am going in after him. You keep your ass in Bon Temps and stay off my maker wave lengths."

"Like that is fucking possible," Tara spewed. "Or is that another skill you did not fucking teach me? And who the hell is Vlad Drac? Like I said, I was in the middle of a really good fight when you come blasting across."

Pam exhaled and actually smiled. "Kicking ass were you?"

"Fuck yes, just like my maker showed me. Now, I'm raiding the bank and buying a ticket. Pick me up in Paris when I land. I'll call."

"Tara..." There was no response from her phone. "That fucking child," she seethed, "she hung up on me! No fucking respect," she spit out into the darkness. "Just like her fucking maker and her maker," she had to admit to herself.

Eric's brain was still very much intact. Not much could be said for his body. All the skin was burned off and with what he was being feed, which was nothing, he was not likely to heal anytime soon.

That aside, in the belly of Vlad's dungeon was not a bad place to be. It was light tight and quiet and so far he had no visitors which meant there was no torture going on. He had been in worse. Of course, he had been in a lot better shape then he currently was at the moment.

Inviting Vlad to his chateau in the Swiss Alps to perhaps brag and show off about day walking had been a bit over the top. Perhaps sunbathing nude was not the best idea he had ever had. That had been fun, though. Especially when the ski bunnies had come_ tchussing _by and had stopped to join him for all kinds of fun and frolic.

Going up in flames had just been embarrassing. Throwing himself into that snow bank had been a mite bit embarrassing as well. Because when Vlad had found him that moonrise, well, his ass was now in the Chateau Chave Rhone. He could be nowhere else. The smell of wine country was overwhelming.

Fortunately, there were one or two or Vlad's payroll that would get the word out that he was here. Simmons had been on board the helicopter when he was hauled on board. Compared to Vlad, he, Eric Northman, was a saint and paid handsomely for any personal favor.

Vlad was going to let him heal, maybe. That pervert was intrigued about being able to day walk. Eric had a very good idea that he was going to be the lab rat. Vlad and Edgington thought a lot alike. _Give me my time in the sunshine. I deserve it. _ Well fuck...and he actually laughed. Fuck...that was something he was not going to be able to do for a while. Not until parts of him grew back.

Fucking fairies and their fucked up ways! Could they make nothing stick? Apparently something had happened to the tasty vampire/Fae. And day walking might be gone, but the fairy's blood was still a magic elixir in his body. He knew he must look like he was dying, gasping out his last and was not a threat. But that was not exactly true. He still had some strength. And with his age and the element of surprise, he just might be able to kill one or two before they ended him.

When Pam returned to her rooms, she settled into a corner, a machine pistol with silver bullets in her hand and another on the floor in front of her. Just in case someone came calling while she shut down. Stupid fucking Weres.

She was close enough to Eric...more than close enough. Emptying her mind of everything except her maker, she stretched out with her will and her love for this man that had rescued her. Taught her the ways of vampire and how to kick ass and survive.

In her mind there was darkness. No sound, just void. Eric was blocking the bond. That fucking asshole!

"I am not giving up and I am not going home. My child is on her way to Paris and we are not leaving," she screeched at him. "Do you hear me Eric," she screamed at him in her mind, then she was sobbing. "We are not leaving, you bastard. We are not leaving you."

Numbers started bombarding her mind. Then they started repeating. "Phone number," she said committing it to memory. "It is a phone number.

We are coming," she flashed Eric and then there was static where before there had been her maker.

Taking out her satellite phone, she punched in the number.

"Shalom my brother," she heard the voice say in Hebrew.

"Shalom," she said as tears caught in her voice. "This is Pamela, Eric Northman's child. Vlad Drac has my maker and I need your help."

"Dearest child of Eric, my brother. This is his brother Samuel Da'vid. Tell me where you are. I am on my way."

Dear Readers,

Well okay. If the writers of TB can lite Eric up, by golly, Samuel can pull his ass out!

This is Ending One. This tiny little one shot will probably not progress any farther. I have a couple more different endings for our hero in mind that will fall under this title heading. So, they will pop up as chapters 2, 3, etc..but they are just short blasts for a different ending.

As always, thanks for reading.

Somebody, anybody please...stake Compton, bring on The Viking!

CES


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two Samuel Da'vid**

Pam stared at the phone. Did Eric have another sibling? Damn, that traitor Nora was one fucked up piece of Were shit. She was going to go on akilling spree if there was another one like her!

Oh fuck! Did she trust the voice at the end of the phone? Of course she did. Eric had sent her the number.

That voice as back. Could this guy still be trusted? Would Eric know that he could still be trusted? Was her maker somewhere being tortured...would this person finish what Vlad had started? "Fuck Eric!" she wanted to howl out into the night. At this point, it did not matter what she thought. Eric trusted him enough to send her the number. Her maker would not turn his child and grandchild over to someone that would harm them. No matter how much money changed hands. Just get to it! "I am in Marrakesh on my way to Paris to pick up my child. Can you meet me there?" There, that information was just enough and not very forthcoming. Do a meet and greet and stake if that is what the occasion called for.

"I am presently in Israel. I will pick you up on the way out. I am out the door this minute. Tell me what you know."

In Israel? Really? Well, they were speaking Hebrew.

"Eric drank down a fairy and acquired day walking skills and when the fairy died, so did the ability to day walk. He is in the Rhone Valley."

"Eric!" she heard the man hiss. "I thought we both agreed you would stay out of the Rhone Valley! By all that is unholy my brother, must you continue to taunt Vlad?"

Clearly this being was not happy.

"I had to drag your ass out of harm's way the last time you thought to take him on. We lived in that mine for a couple of days. Oy vey, my brother. Will you never learn?"

Well, okay...this man knew her maker. Yes..._never learn_ were key words to describing Eric. This was not the bullshit of _I want bragging rights that I helped to end The Viking. _Eric had briefly touched on the subject of underground living. He had laughed about the time he had spent time in theParis mines with another vampire that he had simply referred to as _his brother in dirt._ That they had dined on a couple of underground dwellers andfrom that experience _ripened blood_ had taken on a whole new meaning.

"I know Eric trusts you, or he would not have mind flashed me this number. And I am desperate enough to risk myself to save him..."

"I understand," came the soft voice. "Truly I do. Godric was your maker's maker. He met the true death in Dallas. On the rooftop with Godric was a human female, Sookie Stackhouse. Eric always said she would be his undoing. My guess is that she was."

"I hate her," Pam said with righteous conviction.

"Pamela," Samuel's voice was soothing. "I may not know you personally and you do not know me, but listen carefully."

Pam stared at the phone. He was rattling off every bank account number that she and Eric owned.

"I handle your money. Eric thought it was best that you did not know. He said you liked girls but would make the switch for me because of my money and investment know how," he laughed, softly. "But I am Jewish and you are not and it would never work out."

"You are a myth," she began as she put all the pieces together. "A vampire urban legend..." her voice dropped off as she contemplated what she thought she knew. Her maker called brother the vampire that ran the world's money...oh fuck...

"Dear child, I met your maker for the first time in 1301 in the mine network that lies under Paris. Since that day, I have handled his money and he has been my brother. I can assure you, I am not a myth and I am only a legend in my own living room."

What she knew for certain was that she could not do this on her own. She could not do this with Tara. The best that she was hoping for was to find Eric and give him a peaceful true death...whatever was left of him, no matter what it cost her. "I think Eric burned when the day walking left him. He has completely blocked the bond so I know he is hurt, but I do not know how badly."

"We will just assume that he is without flesh. You mentioned your child. You need to call her and tell her that I will be calling her with instructions. My people will pick her up and bring her to us.

I will be to you in less than six hours. We can push that if we have too. But before daylight, you shall be on board the plane with me and we shall pick your child up whenever she touches down in France. I know several small out of the way airports. Customs can be such a bother at times."

There was silence on the other end. Good, he smiled to himself. "Pamela, I know you were going to storm the castle. Eric would call your valiant effort foolhardy and wasteful and he would be pissed that you ended your life and that of your child to do so. But he inspires that in those that love him. They would give their all for him."

The bloody tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You are not to worry. Make the phone call then we shall set everything in motion. When I am airborne, I shall call you and tell you every embarrassing story I know about Eric. And I have centuries of them. When I arrive, we shall be as old friends."

Tara watched with fascination as the helicopter sat down...for her. Fuck...would you just look at this! She was fitted with an earwig and she was then chatting with her maker as they streaked across the sky.

The small private jet was light tight and then she was airborne. Her maker had told her she could trust those that had come for her. She hoped so. The inside of this fast moving Lear was un-fucking believable! _As in...yes, please let this be real! I finally know someone with a shit load of money_! When she landed in France, her maker would be there to greet her. Along with someone by the name of Samuel Da'vid, who apparently ran theworld's monies. Huh...really?

"Fuck me!" was all she could think when a steward sat down next to her and offered her his arm. Taking a whiff, she hesitated. "You smell different, just a bit," she regarded him.

"Kosher," he smiled at her.

"Oh," she replied. "So you really never have had bacon?"

"Sadly no," he grinned.

"Damn," she grinned in return. "That first mornin' smell of bacon is one of the things I miss about being human."

It was time to get tactical. Pamela had been on line looking at the Rhone Valley while brother Samuel talked her to her about what he knew about where Eric was being kept. Sunrise was an hour in the making when there was a knock at her door. She was not surprised. Samuel had indeed chatted with her the whole time and had announced that he was on his way up the steps.

Opening the door, there stood what she thought he would look like. His green eyes were a surprise and startling with his dark completion and black, curly, neatly trimmed hair. Handsome, hell yes! And he was short. Maybe five foot nothing. That came as a surprise. It was not everyday she was taller than anyone she knew. Hell even that twat how-come-she-was-not-dead Sookie was taller than she was. Gawd, she loved pumps with high heels!

"There are Weres out and about," she said as she closed the door.

"Yes," he nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Apparently you have drawn the attention of the pack."

"I fucking hate Weres," she grinned as she brandished her knife.

Samuel laughed. "You are just like my brother. Come," he smiled at her, opening the door while she picked up her bag. "The old dark is getting ready to be history. Let us, with the new dark, make history. And for those Weres who think to walk this path with us, they shall no longer have a history."

"I like the way you think," Pamela smiled.

"Good," he nodded his head, again. "Do you want to make the first kill or shall I?"

"Rock, paper, scissors, is only fair," Pam replied as she heard the howl go up.

"On three," Samuel replied.

"Oh look," Pam smiled prettily. "Rock beats paper. Looks like I'm up."

"Well drat," Samuel replied. "I was so hoping to rescue the damsel in distress."

They both laughed.

"I want to be the one that tells Eric he is the damsel in distress," she chuckled.

"Oh," Samuel lifted an eyebrow. "That calls for another round. On three," he grinned.

"Well drat," he sighed. "I see you have your maker's luck. Rock beats scissors."

"I am havin' a long talk with him," she shook her head as she heard the pounding of feet. "This fucked up lower than Were shit comes to an end. If he wants to get his head back on straight, he needs to get his ass home and confront the Sookie beast that did this to him. And she is," Pam hissed, "a self-righteous, lower than Were shit Sookie beast. I cannot stress that enough."

Samuel was laughing. "A woman. With my brother it is always about a woman. Every couple hundred years or so he falls in love."

"What?" Pam's face fell as she gabbed the Were by the scruff and giving him a good shake, broke his neck. "You sure we are talking about my maker, Eric Northman?"

Laughter erupted from Samuel as he reached up and gutted the next Were with his claws. "Yes," he nodded. "My brother, he is a romantic."

"What?" Pam stopped walking. "Eric, really? I mean, I've seen him a little goofy and off his game around Sookie, but...I would not dub him a romantic."

Samuel's grin just got bigger. "And his children are girls. Not a boy in the family, anywhere."

Pam threw her knife and hit a Were between the eyes. Walking over she retrieved it. "No, I mean, well yes, but...but..."

"No buts my dear," Samuel winked at her. "Girls. He loves baby girls. And you turned a girl. He is most delighted."

"I feel a headache comin' on," she sighed as she stood still and let the next Were come to her. "A romantic. That explains a lot of his fucked up shit."

When Tara woke, her maker and a small vampire were having dinner.

"'Bout time," Pamela disengaged and licked the small bit of blood off her bottom lip. "I was beginning to wonder if we were going to party without you.

Samuel, this is my child Tara. Tara, this is Eric's brother Samuel."

"How do," she smiled at him. "Nice way to travel. My meal on board was kosher. You Jewish?"

"Yes," he smiled at her.

"Okay then, I don't know that I have ever met a Jewish person, let alone one that is a vampire. Was Godric your maker as well?"

"No," he nodded. "Eric and I are spiritual brothers. A more lasting bond than that of blood."

"I get that," Tara said with a smile. "I have that kind of bond with Sookie."

"I see," Samuel replied and did not laugh out loud. This had to be some story. Tara loves this Sookie, Pamela hates her and Eric...his boy Eric was probably someplace in his romantic cycle where he had fallen in love with another human female. Oh well...the heart wanted what the heart wanted and for Eric, that rolled around every couple hundred years. Eric would say fuck it! Hand over his heart and kill anyone that looked at his lover twice.

"Pamela, once we are on ground, make contact with Eric. Find out what he knows about his location. We get his stats and then we can act accordingly."

Despite the fact that he had no ears, Eric could hear the door open. There was no mistaking the odor that was walking toward him. For some reason, Vlad thought he did not need to bathe.

There was the scrapping sound of a chair being pulled up and then he could smell minty fresh breath in his face.

"Oh Eric," Vlad sighed. "My friend, at one time you were someone all the females wanted to know. Sadly, that part of you is now missing and I believe you are going to be that guy all the males want to date. Of course, you are going to need some skin. Even I am a little repulsed at the way you look. And for what I've done to my enemies," he chuckled, "that is saying something."

"Vlad," Eric rasped out. "What? Me not on your dance card? I cannot be that repulsive."

"Sadly my friend, you are. I think the basement is just the best place for you. I have some lovelies upstairs that would faint from horror at seeing you."

What must be laughter came from Eric's mouth. "And yet they abide your body stench. I suspect glamour."

"It has been a long time," Vlad said settling back into his chair. "since you and I have sat face to face.

And then you called me to Switzerland to watch you day walk. Which even I am the first to admit I watched you do. And the nasty-assed sex you had out there in the snow and I was not able to join you. Just watch from a heavily shuttered window while I wiped away the bleeds."

"Good times," Eric chuckled.

"How did you do it?" he asked. "Day walk?"

"There was a very old fairy/vampire hybrid. Don't," Eric held up one hand. "Just believe. I latched on, just about drained him and lo and behold, day walking. I can only surmise that something happened to him, as in the true death department. Hence the flame."

"So if I was to find myself a fairy, turn them and..."

"And wait five thousand years, for vamp and fae to percolate, that is how old Warlow was, then yes, chances are very good you could day walk."

"But I don't want to wait five thousand years," he sighed.

"Well fuck, Vlad, I did not want to go up in flame, either," Eric responded. "I was working on my tan and poof...flame on!"

"Elegant bullshit, Eric. I do not exactly believe what I am hearing. I have been trying to figure this all out. Day walker. A fucking day walker! He could be anywhere in the world. Personally, I would love to see Rome again by daylight. But no, I find you skulking around in the Alps. Yes, hurrah for naked lovelies that come by on their skis. But that is so out of character for you, Mr. Larger Than Life or Undeath."

"I missed the snow," he replied, placing a hand over his heart area.

"I found your book, Eric, along with you, out in the snow. _Den Allvarsamma Leken, The Serious Game._ A famous Swedish tragic love story. I suspect that somewhere in your villa is an open page to _Romeo and Juliet._

Sounds like woman troubles to me which puts this in a completely different light, so to speak.

I thought I would torture you about the day walking. And maybe torture you just because you are The Viking. But now," he laughed, "a breather hasyour balls, literally," he chuckled. "Eric, do you never learn?"

"Apparently not," he grinned.

"It was over a breather that you and I had our first little tiff. Seemed she preferred..."

"Those that did not smell," Eric chuckled. "And that is saying something considering she had no personal hygiene either."

"Women, Eric...they are so lovely and so fragile. I am going to be having houseguests. I have invited several of our mutual friends in for the weekend. I am sure they would love to see you. You do remember the lovely Lily. I had to turn her once I knew she was enamored of you and not me. And there are several other lovelies that make up her entourage these days. Oh-h-h, there shall be nudity and debauchery and all manner of illegal substance abuse and perhaps just a little abuse in general.

Oh," he said standing and looking thoughtful. "If and when you can ever rise up off of that table, the house is warded. Just in case you think someone is coming to your rescue. Sadly my friend, you ass is here to stay until you met the true death. My witch is the best in the business."

Tara had eyes on the chateau. "Those walls look to be five feet thick in places," she whispered.

"That is because they are," Samuel replied.

"I've made contact with Eric," Pam said smiling, then frowning. "He is in the basement and the house has been warded," she sputtered. "Fucking witches!" She felt like screaming her discontent out into the universe!

"Witches are not the problem," Samuel responded.

"No," her eyes riveted on him and he now had Pam's full attention.

"Pamela, have you any type of belief system in a high power?"

"No," she replied.

Tara shook her head, also. "My momma was a self righteous Bible thumper. I mean I believed in a good Hallelujah from time to time when I was doing shots of tequila, but since being turned, not so much."

"Not a problem, then. You create the diversion and I will go in and get him."

"And witches do not slow you down?" Pam said. "Why?"

"Because I am a good Jewish boy who believes in his God," he said shrugging. "I am going to blow a hole in the wall, down to Eric and then perhaps out a window. We will just see what is available. But I am going to be moving fast. So once you start the fireworks, I'll wait for _Tuffy the Terrified Dragon_ to go off and then I'm in and out and tossing the bomb back in over my shoulder. That will slow down anyone who thinks they want to chase us."

"Okay," Tara replied as she watched her maker try and digest that. "We have the fireworks in the vineyard. You have The Viking and the bomb. Houston, it is a go for launch."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three **

"Oh Vlad," Eric was pantomiming, "do you really have The Viking in your basement? Sweet anticipation. I will do whatever you want as long as you let me ride him to ecstasy! Because no body wants to ride you to ecstasy."

Eric was chuckling past his pain. "Lily you whore, so Vlad turned you. How is your fucked up life working for you?"

Carefully he relaxed his body back onto the table. This no skin thing was a mother...fucker, but...he had no one to blame but himself. "Got your panties twisted in a knot did you now Viking?" he smiled. "Let that little blonde breather get to you. Shame and more shame heaped upon your dirty name.

Fuck," he sighed. "At least I am going to be out of this shit hole, soonest. The family is on its way. And Samuel has the know how to get past the witch and when I am done here we are going to blow the hell out of this place.

But that is not really fair to Vlad. So far, he has not been a bad host. Of course, him gloating on the chopper ride back to this shit hole about how he had me...well...I could forgive him but I am not going, too. I am going to be just a mite bit pissy and swept up in the emotion of revenge whenSamuel gets here.

Vlad is such a little pervert! I hope someone is spanking his fine little ass with a silver paddle for tonight's entertainment while the ladies get off and don't let him touch. Fuck head! Thinks he can psycho crazy shit analyze me. Just because he used to have sessions with Fraud."

Eric thought about his little impromptu tirade. Where was old Willy Shakespeare when you needed him? He did think he did protest so very, very much. "I am going to stake myself if I am left down here by myself with these thoughts. Sookie needed some time so I left so she could have some time. What the fuck, Northman? Since when do you give the ladies space? You take what is yours and kill anyone who says otherwise. But with Sookie. Oh-h-h-h no, she needed to find that sweet young thing she used to be. Go back to being Sookie. And you thought what?" he snarled at himself. "That after all that soul searching and you being gone she was going to want you back? Fuck..." he sighed. "Just fuck it..."

There were fireworks being shot off. It rumbled through the basement and for being light tight, there was the distinct smell of gunpowder. So, the family had arrived. It was about to get interesting. Samuel loved fireworks. They used to sail to China just so they could buy them. His brother would sit in rapt wonder and watch the night sky as the patterns etched themselves among the stars.

Pamela had warned his brother about the witches. Not that it made a never mind to Samuel. Nothing slowed him down. You could have as many wards and magicks and written in blood spells as you wanted. Samuel and his god. They just walked in and took over.

Just like they were getting ready to do now.

A thud rumbled overhead. Oh, it was the big stuff tonight. It sounded like mortars were going off. And Vlad and his merry band of ass spankers would be up on the turrets watching.

That was just wrong on so—o-o-o-o many levels. Samuel was providing the entertainment so he, Eric Northman, well, he would not be walking out...more like carried...but he owed his brother a night of fireworks without interruption. He was putting that on his to-do list.

Pam and Tara were zipping through the vineyard. "These are Vlad's vines," Pam said as Tara tried to be respectful of her zipping about. "I hear he corks a good vintage but that fucker has my maker. After we turn the summer house to rubble, maybe we'll torch the vineyard."

"Never did care much for wine," Tara said as she lit a fuse and backed off. "More of a tequila person myself back in the day. But I sure do get pissy if someone has my family."

"That's my girl," Pam smiled. "Oops, I think I just scorched that row. Oh well," she shrugged. "Let's get Tuffy set up. Time to rock and roll."

"Vlad, fireworks, how lovely," Lily gushed. "Now, do you want to be spanked on each boom with this one?"

"Yes please," he sighed. "And make those silver chains just a bit tighter. I have some wiggle room."

"No to the wiggling," the girls giggled.

"Unless I am under you," Cecily batted her eyelashes at him.

"Well," Vlad lifted his body as Cecily slipped beneath him. "I cannot very well disappoint a guest."

"Speaking of guest," Rosemary's laughter tinkled on the night air. "Just where oh where are you keeping The Viking?"

"Oh-h-h-h," he whimpered. "Please do not spoil the mood. Eric has no skin and can barely talk. Fire and smoke damaged his voice box and all."

"Well drat," Olva sighed. "What about the other important part of him?"

"Penis is gone dear heart," Vlad shook his head.

"Well drat," all the ladies said together as the Tuffy dragon took flight.

"Boom!" shook the chateau as everyone applauded.

"Boom!" shook everything in the chateau as the dragon spread his wings to take flight.

"Boom!" Samuel said as he blew a hole in the side closest to where Eric was being kept.

"Boom!" he said again when he blew a secondary hole through a basement wall.

"My brother," Eric turned his head as he heard the footsteps approach.

"My brother," Samuel placed a kiss on his lips. "Let us away. I have placed C-4 all along the foundation supports. Also two on the lake side as well."

"Oh," Eric grinned, "Most good. Vlad will be able to fish from his tower that will be just feet above his new basement fishery."

Samuel and Eric were vamp speed to the girls. "Set off Tuffy Two," Samuel smiled. "Now, let us away."

Vlad was on his knees when the next dragon took flight. The girls were taking turns with the paddle. As he watched it soar through the air, all he could get out was, "That fucking Northman..." as his summer home collapsed upon itself.

**Bon Temps**

Alcide had been full of righteous _I told you so's_ this morning. He had welcomed her last night back into _her Gran's bed_ after he had made it perfectly clear that in his own little Alcide world this fucked up shit was on her. And like the good little girl that she was, she had quietly gone back to bed and waited on him to hold her.

What the fuck?

Where was her fire and spunk?

Where was h_er willingness _to do whatever it took to say what she believed in? Do what she believed in?

Where was the person who had made the decision of life and death for that fucked Were Debbie Pelt and blew her face off with both barrels?

Where the fuck was Eric?

Sitting at the breakfast table, holding her cup of coffee, a tear rolled down her cheek.

Where the fuck was Eric?

"Sookie," looking at Alcide, she wiped the tear away. "Glad you came back to bed last night. I was afraid you might not face me and sleep on the couch. I am still not right about this in my heart. You said some hard things to me. And maybe they were true, but they were my thoughts and you need to stay the fuck out of my head.

I'm gonna be gone for a couple of days. I am going out to check on my old man. Bill will keep watch on the place. I talked to him before sunrise. He's helping Andy hunt the Hep V Deaders, but he'll be around, or Jessica will, to keep an eye on you.

When I get home, we'll talk."

"Alcide, I said I was..."

"Don't," he shook his head as he pushed back from the table. "Your outburst Sookie, that was childish. You need a man in your life who will tell you no. I see another tantrum in the making, I am going to think you need a good spanking. And I am just the man to do it."

"Would that be with your hand or a belt?" she asked, setting her coffee down.

"Do not," he growled. "We are all in some fucked up shit. News said this morning they are thinking about just fencing off Bon Temps and posting guards around the perimeter. Talked with Jason. Folks are leaving town. Scared to come back. Scared that they will be stuck here with Hep V vamps. You just consider yourself honored that I would bother to come back at all, let alone deal with your childish shit."

"Then don't come back," she said, her voice low. "Stay where ever the fuck it is that you are going."

It happened that fast.

She was over his lap.

"I am wearing my belt, so my hand will have to do," he snarled as he pulled up her dress and down her panties and hit her, once, twice, thrice. "We Weres are not long on social graces. We are all about keeping the pack in line. I repeat, I have no time for you childish shit," as he pushed her away.

"You come back here," she said as she righted herself, "and I will be waiting for you with my shot gun, just like I was for your V-addict girlfriend, Debbie."

"You don't mean that," he said as he took a step toward her.

"The fuck I don't," she smiled. "You and Jason seem to be so buddy, buddy. Ask him to come over soonest and pack out your shit, or I am tossing it into the yard and burning it before the sun goes down."

"Bitch," he growled.

"Daddy is waitin'," Sookie replied.

"Sookie," he took another step toward her, a low growl in his throat.

Stepping back to the kitchen counter, she picked up the knife she had used to slice off the ham. "We will do this now. You will have to kill me because I am going to do my best to kill you."

"We have had better mornin's," he said trying to bring calm. "Sookie the tension is runnin' high and..."

"And what? Are you sorry? I know I apologized last night for my little emotional outburst. Although, I still believe I was within my rights. You blame all this on me."

"Look," he said, his voice low and even. "I am just trying to make the most of a bad situation I have going on here. You are pregnant. I am not sure how I feel about that. I never wanted kids."

"Me and mine don't want you here," she replied, her head held up and the knife in front of her.

"I'll be back when I can," he said and then stepped out the door. Turning back to her he continued on. "We'll talk then. If the baby is Were, it is mine by pack law and I'll fight for custody, you had better believe that. There is a judge in Shreveport that is Were. Just keep that in mind and rein in your bullshit."

"So, if it's not Were? Just regular ole' human?" she hissed at him. "Not all Weres produce Weres."

"Then I sure as hell don't want it." The door closed and he was gone.

"What the fuck?" she whispered, disbelief in her voice.

It was at that time the enormity of her life fell in front of her like a felled tree. And like that tree, she had no support system in place. Sam was married and his expecting wife was missing. Holly was missing. Arlene was missing.

Everyone in town blamed her for this. Because she had fucked a vampire? Really? And this had to do with Hep V vamps? Well, she had also fucked a Were and now she was pregnant by a man who thought he had the right to treat her like a child. Worse than a child! She would never hit her child!

A baby? Her period had just ended two weeks ago. She just must be what? A week pregnant? Really? And he could tell?

There were some things she had no control over. Other things she did. Picking up her phone she dialed her brother. "I don't care how early it is or how late you were coming home. I am going to toss Alcide's stuff out the window and burn it if you don't come and get it right now."

Hanging up, she looked around the kitchen. Eric had paid a lot of money to have her house renovated. Gran always wished she had the money to perk things up like Eric had.

Eric...she felt the tears start. Her world was out of control. Just like it had been with Bill. Just like it was now with Alcide.

Eric...the best time of her life had been with Eric. She had thought she had loved Bill. She knew she had loved Eric. And yet she thought she needed something more. Apparently she did because she was once _more_ living in _more_ fucked up shit!

"He spanked me," she said out to the universe. "What the fuck did I do to deserve that? Why would he think he could do that?" The tears threatened. Well they could roll down her face all they liked. Going to the closet, she took out her shotgun and loaded it.

It was still a bit early, but she would talk with La La. Pack it up and head the hell out of Dodge.

After Jason hung up with Sookie his phone rang again. "Hey Alcide. Wow, did you have to piss her off so early in the morning? Yes, I am going over there right now to get your stuff. I've got some 55 gallon size trash bags, I am just gonna' put everything in those and keep it in a corner of the living room.

No, sorry, I can't be takin' her shotgun. If she is gonna' shoot you, I would just stay away. That is my very best advice."

Lafayette was switching out the ice packs. "Lordy girly girl. I can sees his hand prints on yous ass. What the fuck?" he said as he rolled his eyes. "Sooks, you might wants to have a degreed doctorin' personage take a look at this. They is raised and everythin'. Already purple. He walloped you good."

Sookie looked over her shoulder. "So that good health care person could tell me what? I brought this all on myself. He hit me because I wear Daisy Dukes? I am just a waitress? I have fucked a vamp?

I am to blame for all this. You know that right? I mean, Hep V vamps, the failing economy, global warmin'. That's right, you have come to the right place. Sookie Stackhouse, the number one cause for whatever is wrong in your life. Someone steal you identity, you can blame it on me. Child failing math. My fault."

Lafayette closed his eyes and said a prayer over his life long friend as he gently rubbed her shoulders. "Yous La La is right here, Miss Sooks. Along with my Jesus. We'll work that spell and keep those nasty-assed Heppers off yous property. We'll be shootin' stakes at anys that thinks to lingers in the area."

Miss Sooks was easy to read. That Were thought she was white trash and could treat her anyway he wanted. He apparently did not know Miss Sooks or his La La fineness. He would be movin' in with her and doin' right by the baby-momma, evens if they had to follow Hoyt to Alaska to get away from Alcide. Even if it meant him killing this Were just like Sookie had killed that low life Pelt. There was nothin' on God's green earth that Clorox would not clean. Amen and amen.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Healing Grace

The smell of gunpowder lingered in the air as the show continued above them. They were vamp speed to the Mercedes. Their driver was out and the doors opened while they loaded. From nowhere appeared two bodyguards that had eyes on the area.

Then there was the rumble of...oh fucking hell! Would you just look at how Samuel had set those charges! The chateau was imploding! Impressive! Not one bit of damage to the surrounding area. Although, Pam could hear the water from the small lake now draining into what once had been the basement. Nice touch, that. No matter what anyone said, there was just no coming back from flooding. That smell lingered for the rest of days.

Pam's attention was now back on...that body that was in Samuel's arms. That was her maker. It took everything that she had to just not sit down and bawl. Her strong, gorgeous, smart maker reduced to...veins and tissue and oh gawd...oh gawd please, please let him be in no pain!

Once they were in the back, a sheet was spread across the girls' laps and Samuel passed in Eric.

Samuel took his place by the door. With Eric's head in his lap, Samuel pulled up his sleeve and Eric latched on while the girls carefully placed the sheet over him.

It was a quiet ride to the airfield. Samuel was singing. Pam had no idea what it was but she found comfort in his words. Occasionally, he would stop and would murmur something in a much older version of Hebrew and Eric would stop feeding and just lay quietly while Samuel inspected his face. Then Samuel would say something else and Eric would begin feeding again and so would the song.

There was a stillness in the auto that brought her a feeling of well being. A genuine feeling of comfort. When Pam started this journey, she though there would only be Eric's death and then hers. Apparently, this was not yet their ending. The small vampire that was so mindful of her maker caused tears to pool in her eyes.

Eric stopped feeding and taking her hand, he brought it to his lips and placed a gentle kiss there.

The tears started in earnest as he wrapped his hand around hers and he went back to feeding.

Pam could smell the jet fuel. They were getting close to the airfield.

"He looks better already," Pam smiled.

"What, am I not my handsome self?" She heard the rasping and then the chuckle and she knew he was going to be all right. "And when a very important part of me grows back, my brother, with all your blood I am receiving, I want it to be as big as yours."

There were snickers from everyone in the car. Even from the three that were sitting in the front. So, brother Samuel...well...just oy vey! Her world was going to be just fine. Eric would still reign bullshit king supreme and would continue to kick ass. And just maybe he would do it with a bigger penis if that were possible.

"What do we need?" Tara asked once they were airborne. "What can I do?"

"I will continue to feed him," Samuel smiled and settled Eric on the couch. "You are not to worry. All will be well with my brother. It will just take a little time.

We shall be setting down in the fjords in a couple of hours. We are going to put his body in the healing salt waters of the Norwegian Sea. This shall give him a little added boost and we shall all benefit from a frolic in the waves. It has been a weary journey for my lovelies and we are saying goodbye to the old dark with some naked swimming in the cold waters of Eric's homeland. It shall rejuvenate us and make us grateful for hot showers and a roaring fire."

"Really, we are going swimming?" Tara asked.

"Yes," Samuel smiled. "Most think we like our grave dirt. My brother Eric is a Viking. Vikings are a very clean race. He likes his large bodies of water. And if it is salty, so much the better."

There was a nasty-assed chuckle from Eric.

"Do I want to know?" Pam asked.

"No," Samuel was laughing. "Not really. Let us just say, there is a more than one reason they call him The Viking."

"Brother Samuel turns him every thirty minutes," Pam said as she sat on the beach, her feet in the water, eyeing her child that was walking up out of the water.

"Holy shit," Tara said as she came back from visiting with Eric and Samuel out in the ocean and sat down beside her maker. "Grandpa looks a million percent better."

"Sun will be up in an hour. Samuel about ready to take Eric in?"

"I think so. They are floating around out there and rehashing fishing tales. Apparently they have both rode a whale and swam with the dolphins and the great white shark really is not all that. Something much meaner and nastier can be in the water. Those boys put Herman Melville to shame. _Moby Dick_ and all that and then there is their versions of that story."

Pam felt a smile wanting to light up her face. Samuel Da'vid...she felt like she had spent a lifetime with this small vampire. Then she had a defining moment. Eric...that was fucking Eric in a smaller size! Brothers...well yes, she could see that in the two of them. The gentleness, the kindness, the joy...and she felt the tears threaten. She had thought Godric had gone bat shit crazy on them there at the end. But no, he was just returning to who he had been as human. And Samuel had never lost that joy he had had as human. And she could see it now. There was the joy that Eric had possessed as human! The joy that he seemed to always carry with him that made it seem like he had a little something extra.

It was time to get her head in the game. There were those who were looking for them. Vlad, she was sure, had survived and was undoubtedly pissed. This was not the time for touchy feely human shit. It was the time to be Pam. "Oh, I see Samuel standing. And up goes Eric into his arms. Let's go. We'll have time for a meal and then tuck ourselves in. Eric is bunking in with Samuel."

"My maker," Tara put her hand on Pam's arm. "How old do you think Samuel is?"

"Not one fucking clue," she said raising one eyebrow. "But if you just look at how quickly the skin has grown back on Eric. I would have to say old. Very old. The oldest vamp I have ever seen."

"Older than Godric?" Tara asked.

"Yes," she nodded. "Older than Russell. His bloodline is pure. Has not been tainted at all. And I have never seen curl like that in anyone's hair. He's old."

"His people seem devoted to him."

"Yes," Pam smiled. "Yes they do. It is remarkable. They all call each other by their first name. Of course, the fact that they carry all manner of weapons..." she chuckled. "Anyone or anything that comes for Samuel in his down time is a dead and finally dead mother fucker. Those that care for him will see to that. They have a deep and abiding respect for him." Shrugging she continued on with her speculation. "Maybe he works for The Mossad on the weekends."

"Or maybe," Tara shrugged, "he is just so old he saw Moses part the Red Sea."

Pam hesitated. "Well fuck," she stepped back. "That makes all kinds of sense."

"Oh," Tara got very quiet. "Really, you think he knew Moses?"

"If you lived with your history, would you be respectful and guard it with everything you had?"

"I think just maybe I would," Tara said as she picked up her towel and started walking towards the house, the small vampire taking on a whole new meaning.

"Jesus, my man," Lafayette said to his lover and bruja. "I needs you right heres with me. We be wardin' this house against nasty assed vamps with the Heppers. I knows you gots connections to this and that's on the other sides of that veil. Come on now and guides me in the witchy witch bitch shit.

And Jesus, my main man, if you woulds just be so goods to help my man along. I got Miss Sooks to be seein' after and I gots no time...and I cannot be stressin' that's enough, I gots no time to be researchin' this shit. Just works with me, that is all I am askin' and amen."

Going out into the yard with a basket and scissors in hand, Lafayette admired Gran's roses. The herb garden that was planted along one side of the house. The zinnias that were bright and colorful. "Those are sure nuff's some lovely purple lilacs that are a bloomin'," he smiled.

"Hm-m-m, Miss Sooks said her fine fairy-assed grandpa was the green thumb in this family. Planted all this colors of the rainbow back when he was just a youngest growing up in heres.

Thank you and thank you and amen," he said to the heavens. "I think we dones got us a plans and a half."

As he went around the property he snipped things that were all the colors that were found in the rainbow. "Gonna needs me a bucket," he smiled. "And we shall be makin's a rainbow salad, courtesy of God and his La La fineness."

Sookie came into the kitchen where Lafayette was singing and dancing along to the tune of Dianne Ross. "Yous able to sits yet?" he asked.

"No, not really," she replied. "Still hurts like a son of a gun. What 'cha doin'?" she asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Makin's us a rainbow salad. And cause Jesus dones blessed us with the knowledge that he used olive oil back in the day, I am tossing the Heppers _stay the fucks away_ salad goodness with the extra virgin. M-m-m-m h-m-m-m. And dressin' it with a little salty goodness from the Dead Sea where our big mans was known to walk."

"I love you Lafayette," she said as she wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his back.

"I knows Miss Sooks. I knows. And when that mother fuckin' Were shows back up this ways, we'll deal with him as well. And since Weres, they don't like to be eatin' their greens and my fine recipe would be wasted on his Were ass, we'll just feeds him lead, instead," he said with a snap of his fingers. "Cans I gets me a hallelujah!"

"Hallelujah," she echoed back and then the tears started in earnest.

Lafayette turned around and held her while she cried. "No," he said when he raised her face to his. "No. Whatever this is and wants to be, no. M-m-m-m," he said shaking his head. "We," he leaned down into her face, "as in yous and I, Miss Sooks, we is not feelin' sorry for ourselves. We is livin. Yous is maybe givin' birth. Maybe not. Would not be the first time or the last, a lyin', thieving, abusive male has said shit that doth stink. Yous listen to yous La La. We has got this."

"Okay," she said shaking off the heartache. "What do you need me to do?"

"Just rest for now and I has made us a little gumbo for our midday nourishments. 'Bouts two hours before the suns tucks itselfs into bed, we are spreadin' this God gracin' bucket of righteousness arounds the house. The oil from Israel will cause it to stick. The flowers make a nice perfume. When those vamps stops to takes them a little whiff, we each gots a cross bow. I see vampire goo in our futures. Gory and hallelujahs!"

Laughing, she said, "Did you mean glory and hallelujah?"

"Can't be seeing no glory Miss Sooks in vamp goo. I am thinkin' gory is right. Just sayin'."

With a small chuckle she wrapped herself around him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Baby girl, if you gives birth.."

"I know, Lafayette if it is a boy and Lafayette if it is a girl."

"You knows that is right. Now, we gots the namin' outs of the way, let us smack our brains out with our tongues over this here gumbo that I has graced us with."

It was a quiet night at the old Stackhouse farmhouse. Several Heppers passed by the place and just kept on going. Their brains were still a bit addled when the passed by the old Compton place. Their original plan had been to burn out both places but for some reason they could not seem to remember their original plan. And when the sun came up, they had forgotten that they were suppose to go to ground and those that had walked past the Stackhouse place swore they were day walkers and greeted the sun with a "You can just kiss my ass!"

Oh, the folly of Heppers. There was no sun kissing their ass. However, it had kicked it.

Tara swam out to visit with her grandpa. It was just fucking deep out here but he was coming up straight out of the water for several hundred feet and then doing a screaming dive into the water! Damn, he had some moves.

When Eric surfaced he swam over to her.

"This must be about Sookie. I see you have left Pamela to her own devices so that you could speak to me alone."

"I love Sookie," she said to him. "And I want to see her. And I am ready to go home. There are Hep V vamps that need to be dealt with and she is there...well...that fuckin' Were has been keeping company with her but fuck me runnin' Grandpa, you should see the fucked up shit she is wearin'. My girl has done raided her Gran's closet and I could have sworn all that grandma practical shit got thrown out with the maenad.

And, she is not happy. She wears that like a shawl around her, to complete that granny look she has goin' on."

"I'll talk to Samuel," he smiled at her.

"Thanks," she said and headed back for shore.

Samuel had sent Tara out to speak to Eric. It was time to get this show on the road. Eric was one hundred percent. His boy needed to get back in the game.

Walking out of the water, Samuel thought he was watching Poseidon rising up out of the sea. Eric's hair was in long braids with gold beads woven in. He had not shaved and his beard sparkled like gold in the moonlight.

"Tara thinks it is time for me to go home and talk to Sookie."

"Yes," Samuel nodded. "Your grandchild is very astute. Your time here in the ocean has been good for you. A much needed break. Your spirit and body have been refreshed.

You have a gift, Eric, for getting past the bullshit. You are a leader. A warrior. You accomplish nothing by perfecting your dive."

"Samuel, it is by no stretch of anyone's imagination when I tell you that Miss Sookie is a ball buster. She is trouble packaged in a fae halfing shell wrapped in the bat shit crazies. This is just not me who would warn you about her. There are several who would testify to this. On a good day, she would admit to the same."

Samuel laughed out loud. "Except for the fae halfing part, she sounds just like someone I know. Perhaps she was made to order. And any woman who can give you, by brother, a run for his money, well, I think I like her already."

Three days later, Lafayette had been out doing his morning patrol. There were plenty of fresh goo spots every sunrise between the farmhouse and the old Compton place. Sniffing the air, La La thought he smelled Were. "You just brings yous fuckin' sorry ass back here," he smiled. "Just you comes on, yous fuckin' low life."

When he went back in the house, he checked the pistol and the shotgun.

"What's up?" Sookie asked.

"I smells me some Were, out there floatin's on the wind. Nothin' to be concerned about. Come sundown, we shall have us some buckshot filled Were.

Yous doin' okay Miss Sooks?" he asked as he came over to where she was sitting on a little donut cushion.

"Tired is all," she smiled at him. "I hate leaving you down here by yourself at night so I stand at my window and watch."

"Sleep, baby girl," he kissed her on the forehead. "Yous La La has got this."

Sookie could feel someone rubbing her back. That was nice.

"Sooks, sundown is comin' on. We needs to eat before dark falls."

"Okay," she yawned and pulled herself around. "That nap was a fine idea."

"Good," he grinned. "I made lasagna."

"Is there garlic bread?" she asked, hope in her voice.

"Just what kinds of mo'fo'n question is that to be a askin' yous La La?" His face was all aghast and then there was a big smile and he snapped his fingers and circled his face with his hand. 'Course there is."

Sookie relaxed in her chair as she watched Lafayette clean up the kitchen. "Sundown is just about here," was all she said. "Wow, that was delicious, but..."

"What?" Lafayette said. "I gots fresh berries and the cake of angels for our sweet by and by. I'll make coffee." When he got no response, he turned to her.

"Sookie," he was to her. "What?"

"I, I don't feel so good," she said. "I think I would like to lay down on the couch."

When he helped her stand he could see it. "Yous bleedin' Sookie," he said.

"We needs to get you out of those clothes. You gots a pad somewhere?"

"Can you get me upstairs?" she asked.

Picking her up in his arms, they were up the stairs and she was on the bed. "I found them," he said pulling off the paper. "And I have here a pair of your panties. Attaching it and now we need to get you out of those clothes."

Sitting next to her he held her hand.

"You think I am havin' a miscarriage?" she asked him.

"Maybe," he said. "Maybe not. Whatever it is, I have tried callin' 911. No response. No response at the Monroe Hospital, either. I guess the Heppers is keepin' everyone at home.

Were is here," he said, his voice low. "I can hear his truck. I've got the shot gun and the pistol is there in bed with you."

"Okay," she smiled at him.

"Sookie," they both heard Alcide calling. "Sookie," he yelled again as he stated up the stairs.

"Oh good," he smiled as he came in the door. "In bed waitin' on me."

"Not exactly," Lafayette said from his position over by the window, the shot gun pointed at him.

"What the fuck is goin' on?" Alcide asked. "You takin' strange into your bed now?"

"I'm bleeding," was all she said and then sharp gasp left her mouth. "Lafayette...oh gawd, Lafayette...!"

"Sookie," he was by her side. He could see the blood coming through the sheet that was covering her. "Sookie, fuck girl, this is more than a miscarriage. Sookie.."

"Sookie," came the call from the stairs and then Bill was there. "What happened?" he asked bending over her. "I felt your pain."

"She's hemorrhaging," Lafayette responded, checking her eyes. "Sookie, you stay with me."

"Let me give her some of my blood," Bill said, opening a vein.

"Oh fuck, do it," Alcide whispered as he watched the stain of red creep across the bed.

As Sookie swallowed Bill's blood Lafayette pulled back the covers. "What the fuck?" he gasped. "It is not workin'. Sookie, Sookie, don't you be goin' anywhere and leavin' me here by myself. Do you hear me girl?" his tear streaked voice whispered.

"Not gonna' work," she said to herself with a smile. "I withdraw my invitation of this vampire's blood from my body. I rebuke it, I rebuke it, I rebuke it."

When the plane touched down in Shreveport, Eric looked up from his book and said. "Sookie is dying." While the plane was still taxiing down the runway, he was through the side of the plane and off into the night, with his family in hot pursuit.

All the doors on the house blew open as wind screamed through and on the wind carried Sookie's name, torn from the lips of her lover!

Bill was shoved out of the way as Eric watched the life slip from his beloved.

"Sookie, lover," he smiled at her as he bit his wrist. "You have to drink."

"No!" Alcide roared. "She would rather be dead then live with his blood in her body!"

"Fucker," Lafayette yelled back. "You did this to her."

"Lover," he kissed her forehead as he pushed his wrist into her mouth. "You must drink. I cannot loose you."

"I gave her my blood Eric," Bill said, no hope in his voice. "She continues to bleed."

Eric's eyes did not leave her when he said, "Offense is intended Bill when I say you have Were shit in your veins and I don't blame her.

Sookie, lover," he ran his hand through her hair, "drink.

That's my girl," he smiled at her as he felt her tongue take a tentative lick and he could see color surfacing back into her face.

"Drink lover," he kissed her on the nose again when she began to swallow.

"Now," he looked out into the crowd, "what the fuck happened?"

"Miscarriage, I think," Lafayette replied. "That fuckin' Were hit her and..."

"Not a miscarriage, Lafayette," Eric's eyes were now riveted on Alcide. "She was bleeding internally. Has been for a couple of days. The smell of the blood tells me that."

"Oh lordies," he said wiping his eyes. "I've been worried. I've been keeping those bruises on her butt iced down, but they have never started lookin' any better. And she would not got see a doc."

"Hit her," Eric's voice held death. "What we have here is a fucking dead Were walking," Eric smiled at Alcide. "I suggest that you run. As soon as I get Sookie put to rights, I will be the last thing you will be seeing."

Alcide thought maybe he could kill Lafayette. He was sure he could take Compton. Northman, he'd need a little something more. Like maybe some V. He still had a bottle of that fucked up shit in his fridge. Time to take it on home and man up.

Standing he smiled at Eric. "I'll be waitin' for you."

"The pleasure will be all mine," Eric replied as he watched the Were leave.

"Do you want me to track him, Eric?" Bill asked as he watched Sookie get better.

"Pam is on her way. Then this will be explained exactly how I want it to play out."

Then a genuine smile spread across his face.

"Eric," he felt her warm breath against his arm.

"Yes lover," he felt her licking the wounds and then opening her eyes so she could see him.

"I am so tired of being without you," she whispered. "You actually listened to me last time," she wiped the tears from her eyes. "You never listen to me. What the fuck Eric? I wish you would have told me you were gonna start listenin'. Fuck, you chained me to the Wheel of Misfortune to keep me safe from Russell. And I say I need a little time and you...what...left me to give me a little time. I thought you would lock me up somewhere until I came to my senses.

And then when I did, you were gone and Pam and Tara were gone and I had no way to reach you to ask you when you were comin' home." She was crying in earnest. "If you were ever comin' home.

And I know I'm a fuck head. But I trust you to help me from making fuck head mistakes. You let me talk and reason shit out...and..." her tears were falling faster. "And I _trust you_..." her eyes melted into his. "And I know that Alcide was a bad idea wrapped in a Were shit sandwich. But he walked with me to church while I tried to fit in. And what the fuck? There was a bad idea. I am never gonna' fit in. I am not like them and they do not understand me and I have known this my entire life. Lafayette and Tara are the only ones outside of Gran that have ever accepted me just the way I am until you came along."

"I understand," he brushed the hair from her face, "that you made some disastrous fashion choices while I was gone."

When she smiled, he knew she had it out of her system.

"Will you lie down beside me and hold me?" she asked.

"Yes," he kissed this time. Soft and sweet.

"You want a bath?" he asked her.

"Yes," she sighed. "Yes, wash all this blood off of me unless of course you want to..."

She stopped. For a moment she saw _the territorial, she is MINE, I am going to torture your fucking ass, vampire_. Her vampire. Fuck yes..hers...only hers.

"Bath please," she rubbed her face against his hand.

"Bath it is," he smiled at her.

"I'm gonna go on in and get out of these things, I am a mess."

"Lover I am more than happy..."

"It's okay. I feel good. Best I have in a long time. I need to pee. Besides, I know you want to...well...whatever...business."

"Thank you lover. I'll be in to start the water in just a moment." They all three watched as she disappeared into the bathroom.

"Lafayette," Eric's attention was now focused on this man who he would see blessed the rest of his days. "You have a photo of the damage he did to her."

"Of course, I took it to show a judge or whoever. Just a sec." Handing the phone to Eric, The Viking just stood and stared at it for long moments. Handing it back he said. "Pam, Tara, and Samuel are on their way. Lafayette, if you would reference Samuel to the bathroom window, I will get him started looking for and destroying the Hep Vamps. Show the photo to Pamela and Tara. Tell them to keep the Were alive, I don't care what it costs. He is _mine_," the word hissed from his mouth.

Eric disappeared into the bathroom and Lafayette changed out the bedding and took it downstairs. Bill was left standing next to a bed that he had hoped would be where he and Sookie would have their lover's tryst once again.

The worm had indeed turned. Eric trusted Lafayette. Really? And Pam and Tara were Eric's trusted lieutenants. And he was older than both of them put together he could reason all he wanted, but he was not family so it would be very suspicious if he joined in on the hunt. Samuel...who the fuck was Samuel? But apparently this Samuel, he could be trusted as well. While he, Bill Compton, who had once been Procure to HRM Sophie-Ann and the King of Louisiana, was left standing with his dick in his hand and perhaps, maybe, a stake in his heart.

Eric would torture the Were and find out Bill had paid him to strike Sookie. That he had given him a lot of money to hit her hard enough to hurt her. That way Bill would be here to heal her when Alcide called him at the appropriate time and she would love him again. It might be time to be somewhere else. And while he was running for his life, it would give him time to contemplate just why the fuck his blood had not healed her.

Sookie was on top of Eric in the bath tub. "Ah-h-h, Eric, did part of you get bigger while you were gone?"

"Perhaps," he whispered in her ear. "You like?"

"Damn," she laughed, "wow, you were somethin' before. I thought King Eric could just not be any more than he was already. But damn!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Epilogue

The family showed up right behind Eric. It had been easy to see how the doors had been opened. Eric had blown them off the hinges.

"Welcome home, Hooka'" Lafayette had his arms wrapped around Tara. "Yous momma thinks yous was a goo spot all over her."

"Yes, Missy Pam called so I had to stake that Heppers ass and run. No time for explaining."

"Well, when yous get the chance, call Auntie and either givers her more of the miseries or puts her outs of it.

Now, here is your marchin' orders," he said opening his phone and showing them the picture of Sookie and explaining what had happened.

"Yes, see that bulge, there," Pam pointed with her finger to the photo. "That is blood starin' to pool. That is one dead fuckin' Were in a most painful manner," Pam smiled. "And Eric says we get first crack. Damn, I love being his child!"

"You can see the lifeline his hand print left on her ass," Tara said as she leaned in for a closer look.

"Yes," Pam grinned, "do you see how it abruptly stops. That means he his lifeline has all run out."

Lafayette shook his head. "You has gots to keep him alives, no matter what the cost. Yous listen to yous La La. If there ain't nothin' but a pelt left..." Lafayette shook all over. "I saws Mr. Eric's face. He is one mo fo'n scary mother. And despite his outward calm, he is one pissed off vamp."

"Got this," Pam nodded. "We will be mindful."

"So, you gos on up and say your how dos. Then I expect the night is yours."

It had been an interesting time in the bath. So this is what it was like to have kids. There had been a constant parade of coming in and out and asking questions and Eric giving advice. Sookie getting her hugs from Tara. Even Pam saying a cordial how-do. Then it was quiet, again.

Sookie was facing Eric in the bathtub. "I like the braids," she smiled at him. "And the beard. That is a good look on you. Viking! Wow! Of course, clean cut Eric is a real nice thing to look at as well."

There was a knock at the bathroom window.

"Samuel," Eric called out. "Please. Nothing unseemly is going on. Drat it," he chuckled.

A face appeared at the window. Sookie smiled and waved. "Brother Samuel, won't you please come on in," she motioned with her hand through the bubbles. The window opened of its own accord and Samuel glided in, feet first.

"Miss Sookie," he bowed his head. "A real pleasure. I am going out to hunt Heppers, as his La La fineness calls them. The girls seem to think Fangtasia would be a most excellent place to start. These killers have humans and we shall be in a rescue and killing mode."

"Well yes," Sookie was thoughtful. "Perfect. Stick them in the basement and who would know.

I am look'n forward to chattin' with you later," Sookie smiled at him. "And oh, by the way, thanks. Eric says you are responsible for him being a bit more in the King Eric department."

"Only a bit?" Samuel raised his eyebrow. "Why, The Da'vid...we are talking both in length and gir..."

"Don't you have some maidens fair to rescue?" Eric asked.

"Oh yes, of course," Samuel became most apologetic "And clearly, this is not a discussion for polite company. My apologies, Miss Sookie. We are off."

"King Eric and The Da'vid," Sookie chuckled.

Eric grinned. "I was always taller, Samuel was always shorter. The Da'vid was more, King Eric was less. Now, we are equals."

"And this came to be how?" Sookie asked.

"Lover, that is a story all by itself. But now, I need to check in with my youngest, Willa."

"Say what?" Sookie eyed him.

"Yes, the governor's daughter. Willa Burrell. I needed her to show her father that we are not monsters."

"Okay, I hate myself for asking you this..."

"No Sookie, I did not fuck her. Only turned her. And only because I thought her father would honestly see that she was still his daughter, only vampire."

Thinking about that she nodded her head yes. Her hands went to his head and re-arranged his braids. "How do we wash you hair?" she asked.

"There is a trick to it," he replied, smiling. "That being, having a wife. Because these are my _to war _braids. It is the wife's job to take the braids out and wash the blood and gore out of her husband's hair when he comes back from a raiding party. When not at war, just a couple of braids or tied back. The wife gets to decide. If she has time in the morning, and he has satisfied her, maybe she does perhaps a fancy weave in his hair. If not, then she just kicks his sorry ass out the door with some hard tack and a head full of tangles."

"Is that why you cut your hair?" she laughed.

"Well yes, I had no woman to manage it for me. And you should have heard Pam bitch when I would ask for highlights. That sun kissed look that looks so fetching on me, that came at a premium."

"Well, all right then. Two daughters and a granddaughter. You are a man surrounded by women."

"You say that like it is a bad thing," Eric grinned at her and then pulled her in closer. "And if I might. A man surrounded by four women. A wife, two daughters and a granddaughter."

Sookie felt the tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Lover," Eric leaned in and licked the tear from her face. "I knew the first time I saw you. I just had to wait until you knew, as well. Now, if I remember correctly, Lafayette has his license to perform marriages. What do you think about here, in the bathtub, surrounded by bubbles?"

"I like it," she smiled.

"Then we can wait until the family returns. Samuel would never forgive me. Plus I have no ring on me at the moment to proclaim to the world that you are mine."

"I have my Gran's and Grandpa's bands. They are just gold, nothing fancy, if you would not mind."

"Perfect," he pulled her in closer for a kiss. Wrapping herself around him, she let him take her wherever he wanted...and eventually it was to bed.

They were at Fangtasia. Samuel was in first and cleaned house. Then he was in the basement, walking among the humans, releasing the chains. Tara was on the phone, talking to Eric.

"I've already called Jason," she said looking at the happy misery around her. "He is putting everything in motion. Samuel is getting ready to go out and start doing sweeps. He'll find all of them in Louisiana and be back to us shortly. He moves really fast," she added as Pam raised both eyebrows and shook her head yes when Tara handed her the phone.

"We know where the Were is. Headed there next," Pam said sounding very satisfied.

"Did you get the GPS planted on King Bill's car?" Eric asked.

"Yes, and he is runnin' as well," Pam smiled.

"Most excellent," Eric replied, "secure our scoundrels. And oh, Sookie and I are getting married later tonight. Lafayette is doing the honors. Put on your happy face. I want to see my girls smiling. And I've summoned Willa. She'll be here as well."

"Should I bring anything?" Pam asked.

"Yes, as long as you are in Shreveport, stop by the house, get in the safe. I want that pink diamond I bought for Sookie. Oh, and a suit. A nice suit. No, the tux. The new one."

"And would there be anything else?" she asked.

"Fuck it," Eric scowled. "Just bring all the jewelry in the safe that I bought for Sookie."

"Eric that is a big fucking safe," she sighed.

"And you are my oldest. Put it in play," he smiled as he hung up.

"You know," Tara shook her head, "if the dumb ass Were would have just stayed in his house, it would have least been a bit of a challenge to get him out. Why is he here in the cheap ass motel with a case of beer?"

"He's got V," Pam smiled. "I can smell it from here. Another vamp's blood but there is no vamp in sight. He thinks he is going to kill us and he does not want goo in his house to clean up. This way he can just leave it for the maids in the morning."

Tara just shook her head at the wonder of it all. "It was mighty nice of brother Samuel to offer us a hit of his blood so we could take on anything that came our way."

"Eric did good," Pam could only nod her head in agreement.

"How we gonna do this?" Tara asked.

"Knock, yell pizza delivery. Won't matter that he did not order any. He's been drinkin'. He's got the munchies. And here is pizza. I give him an upper cut that takes him to the floor. Zip ties, tape, into the trunk of the Vette. We'll drop his Were ass off at the warehouse in Shreveport and then we'll get Billy Boy and be in Bon Temps in time for the weddin'.

Can you believe that pecker head?" Pam said in dismay as she checked her tracking device. "Would you just look at where King Bill has his safe house?"

"No fuckin' way?" Tara laughed. "That's your neighborhood."

"He has not one fuckin' clue," she sighed. "I wondered who it was that did not keep their grass cut like it should and yet put a fresh coat of paint on his front door once a month. What the fuck is that about? I should have known it was a vampire. I should have known that it was a cheap ass vampire who would not use a lawn service. And that could only be Bill Compton. He has not one fuckin' clue about blendin' in. No wonder my property value is down. This pecker head has caused our entire neighborhood to go down in price. I just checked last week. I am twenty thousand below what I paid for it. On an average, we all are. Fuck...I see a short sell comin' and it is gonna' make the market prices go down even more. Just fuck and fall backwards in it. I feel a headache comin' on. And we can't kill this fucker. Eric is always spoilin' my fun.

After that bitch session I still don't feel any better. You ready?" she asked to Tara.

"Let's do this mother," she grinned.

Knocking on the door, she yelled, "Pizza delivery. Sorry it took me so long. CDC stopped my car and searched it."

When Alcide opened the door: Upper cut, zip ties, 100 mile an hour silver tape. Pam zapped him with her stun gun until he was out and then they were vamp speed down to the car and gone.

When they arrived at the warehouse, Pam hit the garage door button, they drove in, chained up their prisoner and gagged him with silver chains, just in case he decided to shift and bite, and then left.

"That worked really well," Tara said in awe of her maker.

"Yes, we could try that again but on a bit of a different scale."

The girls motored around for a few minutes. Pam found a pizza delivery car, helped herself to it and then she and Tara drove to her neighborhood. Tara sat in the Vette around the corner.

When Pam rang the doorbell and yelled "Pizza delivery," Bill came to the door. Silver spray to the eyes, Tara had the silver chains, a silver gag in his mouth and they were gone.

When they arrived back at the warehouse, Alcide was awake. Chaining Bill, Pam smiled. "Would love to stick around, but Eric and Sookie are gettin' married. And of course, they want the family there, blah, blah, blah. So we'll be back around. Eric says I get to have my fun, first, before he takes over. Oh goody!" she winked. "I love being Daddy's favorite."

It was going to be a very small wedding, as far as small weddings go. Sookie did not have anything that resembled a wedding dress but Pam, every thoughtful, had stopped off at her house and brought her a lovely peignoir set to wear. "Woof," was all Sookie could say when she put it on. Bustier, garters, this lovely pink silk gown that had a train a mile along behind her and then the beautiful velvet pink robe that flowed out around it.

Then Pam put the bundle up on the bed and she untied the corners of what Sookie realized was a sheet.

"Fuck!" she swallowed.

"Eric has been buying you jewelry for a while now," Pam said as Sookie saw the heap of jewels that towered on the bed. "Something white and pink," she said sorting through the jewelry. "He wants it to match the ring he bought for you Valentine's Day."

Sookie stopped. "What?"

"He buys you jewelry and just about when he thinks he can give it to you, up pops shit...of some sort.

So I am just giving all of it to you now. You sort it out with him. But wear something Sookie, please."

"Its all big ass clear and pink..." she began.

"Sookie, if I may. I will impart to you something that I just found out about Eric myself. He is a romantic. He likes girls...and I mean tiny new-born baby girls. And medium size girls. And big girls. And girls that need rescuing and girls that like to fuck. And girls that like to watch him being a guy. A romantic," she stressed. "For better or for worse. He loves you in pink. That is over the top girly girl on girl. A romantic," she smiled. "And if you break his heart, you are number one on my shit list."

"No to the broken heart and no to the shit list," she smiled at Pam.

"Good, because shit is gonna happen," she sighed. "This vamp not owning property shit has got to come to an end. Along with other fuckery. The camera loves Eric and he speaks to the heart of the matter. He was a Viking and managed his village and wars. Don't be surprise if our boy does not end up governor. Fuck they may even change the laws so he can be President.

So, there is my weddin' blessin'. Now let's get to it."

"Oh," Sookie squeaked out as she assimilated the information as Tara put bracelets, a necklace and a tiara on her, took her hand and walked with her out the door.

Samuel stood next to him as his best man and Tara stood next to Sookie.

Lafayette opened to the Book of Ruth. "Take each others hands and repeat after me.

Sookie look at Eric and say...

Where ever you go, there I shall go also."

"Wherever you go I shall go also."

"I would not follow you through the Valley of Death, but I will stand by your side and battle with you through it."

"I will not," Sookie smiled at him and ran her hand down his face, "follow you through the Valley of death, but I will stand by your side and battle with you through it."

"Eric, look at your Sookie and say:"

"No matter where you go my Sookie, I shall go also. And I will not," leaning in he kissed her lightly on the lips, "follow you through the Valley of Death, but I will stand by your side and battle with you through it."

Pam handed Eric her rings. When Eric placed first the wedding band and then the three carat pink diamond solitaire on her finger he said to her, "You are my wife. Mine. There is no greater pledge or vow I can make to you. I take you for mine."

Tara handed Sookie her grandfather's heavy gold wedding band. Taking Eric's hand she said, "The last man that wore this went missing. And his family grieved for him, not knowing where he was or what had happened to him. Know this, if you ever disappear from my life, I shall never stop looking for you until you are once more safe in my arms." Sookie kissed him and then placed the band on his finger.

"The first kiss as husband and wife," Lafayette smiled, as Eric pulled her up to him and running his hand down her face, gently kissed her lips.

"Here in the presence of God, good vampires, a medium and his bruja, congratulations are in order for Mr. and Mrs. Northman."

Lafayette sat down at the kitchen table and had a beer. It had been a day. Samuel sat down across from him. "Lafayette," he smiled, "there are several goo spots in the area. And by their smell, I know they are Hep V. Do you know how this came to pass?"

"Yes, and yes indeedy," he said as he took another drink of beer and started his story.

"I need you to repeat that," Samuel said as his eyes roamed over Lafayette, "to Eric. I think you just solved our problem. Eric," he called into the living room.

Eric came in and sat down and put Sookie on his lap. "What's up?" he asked.

"Lafayette, again please," Samuel smiled and the story started again.

"Fuck..." Eric whispered.

"What's that?" Lafayette asked. "Fuck what?"

"You have found the cure for Hep V," Eric replied softly. "Find the right amounts of each and use it as a body wash and shampoo. Samuel, we'll get the Israels to run the testing and we'll push it from there. The good Christian folks are going to believe that it works coming from the Holy Land as opposed from coming from the kitchen of our La La.

We will pay you for the formula, Lafayette, but we will give this away."

"Damn," he looked over at his friend.

"Lafayette, wow..." Sookie shook her head. "Let these two handle this. They need a lot of this stuff and in a hurry. The guys will pay you."

"Yes," Samuel wiped the tears from his eyes. "We will pay you very well. We'll put your name on the formulary, so that you will live on for the marvelous thing you have done, but it needs to be pushed out from my country. Whenever you are ready, I would love for you to meet with some scientist and talk them through it."

"Well," he asked. "Whens good for you?"

"Now," Samuel smiled at him. "We'll set it up face to face."

"Okay," he replied as he watched Samuel punch numbers into his phone and the world started waking up.

Samuel apparently had people in the area. Sookie thought maybe he had people everywhere. Her kitchen looked like a studio. There were iPads and laptops everywhere. Streaming live to somewhere in Israel. They all watched as Lafayette walked them through her yard, picked his rainbow petals and herbs. Why this bucket. Then explained why he added the oil, the salt and the prayer he said over the whole mix. The scientist wanted all the variables. Whenever she and Eric finally made it to bed, daylight was staring to creep over the horizon.

"I promise you a honeymoon," he smiled at her as he helped her undress.

"Pamela was right, you are gonna' end up being President."

"No lover, the law would not allow it."

"Pam made a very good point that laws can be changed. She says she sees you as Governor."

"No," he shook his head.

"Yes," she sighed. "You glamour them, I'll listen in and we'll fix Louisiana. Of course, everyone will be doing business at night. The vamp run businesses are gonna' love that. See all the movers and shakers out and about durin' their hours.

You got some lovin' in you before the sun clears the horizon?" she asked.

"Why?" he grinned at her.

"Thought I could have a little one on one time with King Eric. I would have sworn while we were in the tub he was sayin' somethin' about him bein' new and improved since the fire. To which I can only ask Eric, what fire?"

"Oh my bride," his eyes smoldered at her. "The fire that I have for you that consumes this body."

Smiling, he wiggled his eyebrows at her and then began a trial of wet kisses across her bosom as he slowly ran his hands down her body.

Alcide was missing his scrotum before he gave Bill up. Pam had given him plenty of opportunities by just removing small pieces of one testical and then the other.

"Sincerely," she said to the Were. "You could have saved yourself your sac. You gave Bill up and your pants are not going to fit right," she shook her head as she rubbed her blood around on the incision she had made. "And after beating on Sookie, then telling her she was carryin' you kin...well, Eric wanted to make sure that you were not ever again going to be saying that to a woman.

Bill, Bill, Bill," she sighed as she eyed him. "Sookie drinkin' your blood and her lovin' you...that was never going to happen. You know our little fae snackling can revoke your bloods invitation to work in her body. She would have rather died than be bound to you," Pam smirked as she rolled her eyes. "What we have here Tara, is dumb Were shit and dumber Were shit.

Hm-m-m-m. Bill, my maker burned in the sunlight after you killed Warlow. He was found in Vlad Drac's basement, not making one sound. Let's see if you can do the same. Tara, my darling daughter, stand by with the fire extinguisher at the ready. I can't send him to the true death, but we can burn his junk off and see if grows back bigger. I know Eric's did and Momma Sookie is most pleased.

Now, let's get started. Inquiring minds want to know."

Lafayette was making breakfast for those that were still at their workstations in his kitchen. They were a dedicated group and he was allowed to watch while they cut the proportions according to computer simulations and tried it on infected vamps. Right there, by the magic of wi-fi, he saw vamps getting better.

"You are sure enough dedicated to your people, vamp or no," he said as he refilled Stella's coffee cup.

"Henri, the first one to volunteer, he asked to be turned to help defeat the Nazis. He is a hero in my country," she smiled at him. "And to see him once more on his way to being whole, this is worth the price of whatever value is wished to be placed on it. And that it is free to vampires, there will be those that will praise us and those that will curse us. But it does not matter. This is the life of a Jew."

"Yes," Lafayette nodded. "I'm gay. That is why I could not mix it up here in my kitchen sink and hawk it out on the streets. By some right here in my own hometown, I would be called interfering with God's will. Vamps are dead and just do not have the decency to stay dead as God intended. Not a lot of folks that has anything nice to say to my kind. You treasure those that do."

"Yes," she smiled. "Any who fight for freedom. We fight for their lives."

Sometime during the day, Sookie woke up, went to the kitchen, said her how do's to the scientists who were now on the scene and out in her yard looking at flowers. She had some left over gumbo and rice and watched as flower petals kept falling to the floor. When she went into the spare bedroom to get the vacuum, she saw the pile of big assed jewelry on the bed, said "Fuck it," closed the door and went and got back into bed with Eric.

Eventually the sun went down and vampires rose. And Eric had Sookie panting for more of King Eric.

"We have been begun leaking to the news that scientist have found a cure for Hep V," Samuel said as he hit the play button for Eric to watch.

"Excellent," he nodded.

"We've done fifty trials so far. All successful. They keep playing with the amount of rose petals. We think it is something here in the soil. It is being analyzed."

"Oh, could be the coffee grounds in the rose bed," Sookie said.

All the scientist looked up from their computers at her and then frantically began pushing in information as Sookie's voice went out across the air waves.

Stella laughed with joy. "That would be it, the acidity levels...and caffeine," she gasped. "Caffeine is it own special delivery system to the human body. Used for headaches, asthma...oh fuck," she ran her hands through her hair. "And whatever else the coffee imparts.

What brand?" she asked.

"Folgers," Sookie shrugged. "That is all my family has drank since time started here for us. And we have been dumping the grounds in the rose bed."

What an evening. It was not what he wanted but this is what it was going to be. Eric watched as Sookie sat on the couch with Samuel and Tara. They were getting ready to watch Buffy. Samuel had never watched Buffy and he was intrigued.

Taking Sookie's hand, she got up and walked with him outside.

"Time for vampire shit," she pulled him down and rubbed her nose against his.

"Yes," he nodded.

"We really get a honeymoon?" she asked.

"Yes," he smiled at her.

"You gonna kill Alcide and Bill?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she blew out a lot of air. "Do you know how?"

"Not yet," he ran his hand down the side of her face. "Pamela has removed the Were's scrotum for the lie he told you. She set fire to Compton's for the same reason. "

"Okay," she nodded again. "Not that I am askin' for mercy or human justice or anythin' like that. But I was hopin' you could at least be here with me part of the night. I love it when you offer Buffy advice."

Eric chuckled. "So nothing long and drawn out, just death and then home to my wife."

"I like the sound of that," she whispered to him. "Being your wife," she raised his hand to her lips and kissed it.

"Mrs. Northman," he smiled at her and her face lit up with joy. "I promise you Mrs. Northman, I shall be home soonest!"

When he took off flying, she stood outside a moment longer watching the night sky. When a shooting star when whizzing by, she went back inside.

"Oh Eric," Pam sighed. "Don't tell me. Pussy whipped already...I can see it on your face. You would rather be sitting with the Mrs. getting' a blow job or the promise of a blow job or a hand job or the promise of a hand job...or..."

"Child," he rolled his eyes, "enough. Yes."

"You are just no fun anymore. So gone are the all night blood lettings and drainings and all other manner of good vampire entertainment."

"What, happened to the Were?" Eric asked as his eyes focused on Alcide.

"He was crying about missing his balls so I shoved some tennis balls in his empty sack and super glued it closed. Humans do this for their neutered male dogs all the time. The man of the house says he feels empathy for the dog and with the false balls there, his good boy still has something to lick."

Eric raised an eyebrow at her and said, "Dear Abbey?"

"Yes," she continued on, "but she has nothin' to say about ball-less vampires. I mean it is funny on the Were. He can carry the look. Compton," she shrugged.

"Oh Eric," she rolled her eyes. "Stake it is," she said handing one to him.

Walking over to where Bill was chained, this ass hole was still defiant. Spouting how Lilith had passed judgment on the vampire and how they would all be forced back into the dirt. Living as animals. Running from the humans.

"Bill," Eric shook his head at him. "Lafayette has found the cure for Hep V. As of now, it is being pushed out to the vampire population. The scientist are very excited about this. Is it perhaps the magic elixir for the future human Hepatitis that mutates. They are looking at AIDS as well.

We have something that the humans want. And governments are sitting down and wanting to talk. Re-instating our rights. Righting wrongs. We have the magic bullet and mankind loves us once again.

I just no longer love you. I was willing to make it quick. But you had to open you mouth and spout Lilith."

Pam walked over with the funnel. Breaking his jaw, Eric forced the funnel into his mouth and down his throat. "The magic elixir. Unfortunately, in massive quantities, it starts a chain reaction in vampires. In any vampire. We can actually OD on this.

Pamela," Eric said as she handed him the gas can that was full of pureed La La's Green Goodness Salad. Unscrewing the lid, he poured it down Bill's throat. All of it. Pulling out the funnel, he then stood back.

Green goo seeped out of Bill's pores, trying to find an infection to cure. His eyes bulged and then popped. All his bodily fluids began pouring out of his nose, mouth, anus, and where his manhood used to be. His teeth exploded in his mouth; his hair and nails splintered and cracked. With a horrible hollow sound, Bill exploded and the smell of coffee permeated the air.

Alcide howled in horror!

"They were not kidding about over dosing," Pam said as she turned on the hose and washed what was left of Bill down the drain. "I think I would just rather meet the sun."

"I have something just as pleasant for you, Were. I thought about this as I watched all the chemist and scientist scurrying around in the kitchen talking with Lafayette. Who is, by the way, going to be incredibly wealthy.

So I went out into the garden and picked wolfsbane. There are several varieties that grow in Sookie's yard. I recalled an old gypsy woman telling me that Were's had an allergic reaction to it. Like humans and poison ivy. Only more so. That a Were running through it, if he did not wash it off right away, it could kill him.

Open wide," Eric said.

"No," was sputtered and then Eric broke his jaw as well and shoved in the funnel. "Bottle please, Pamela."

Eric opened the bottle and holding the Were's nose poured the container down his throat.

The allergic reaction was instant. His eyes turned red and you could see the red bumps that formed under his skin all over his body. He struggled for breath as his throat closed up. With one long last gasp, he was dead.

"I got some hungry gators. I'll see to him," Pam said. "Take your pussy whipped self on back to the house."

"My pussy whipped self thanks you child," he smiled at her and kissed her on the forehead.

"We really are gonna' come through this?" Her eyes held his.

"Yes," he nodded. "We really are."

"The great state of Louisiana making noise about you being governor yet?" she asked him.

"You been talking with Samuel?" he asked her. "And just how much money has changed hands and my answer is no!"

"Why Eric, my maker," she batted her eyelashes at him. "We need a face to talk to the humans. One that will make the human women wet and make the human males cry and try to strive for your perfection. Ladies and gentleman, vampire and human, I give you Eric Northman."

"Well fuck," he sighed, "and the lack there of."

"Yes," she grinned. "If I don't have time to get laid, you don't either."

"Fucking child," he hissed at her.

"Better hurry home. Your nights of freedom are gonna' be replaced by TV crews and the good honest hard workin' folks of Louisiana wantin' your time and 1,ooo year old expertise.

I can see it now," Pamela smiled. "They will be re-written the laws so you can be President."

Dear Readers,

Thanks for you kind words!

Hey, check it out, I actually wrote a short blast.

So, things did not go exactly the way I thought they would. I got just a bit more involved than I figured...yes, no kidding.

So-o-o-o, I shall watch next week...gasp...gasp..woof! Horror! And if I can find one something to write a story about, I will.

This time, obviously, it had to do with Pam finding Eric with that piece of crap map she held up.

I will see if they offer up anything else about finding Eric on Sunday night. If not, I will just consider it another 50 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

As always, thanks for reading!

Somebody...anybody...please...! Stake Compton, bring on The Viking!

CES


End file.
